more tea?

I like the feeling of hush hush with you but I must talk anyway and feel like I'm walking on a few egg shells over my issues of you walking on my eggshells. cringing at my "ahem." babies babies babies fertility. lol I've just been stuck in my own dogma of nature and signs and typical traditionl/cliché/normal ways people go about. Protection protection protection… "Forgiveness." A lot of it is understandings people have where sometimes forgiveness isn't an option because it is an offense to forgive. I feel provoked over the statement "don't let them continue to hurt you." You stand in the way of my truth. You deny or refuse to accept the fact that I get stalked, ganged up on, and feed the vain argument that I was always willing. Years and years ago and sometimes an intentional sadist on occasion will want to severely provoke and test me in the worst conceited way "With what I will or won't let happen." Sometimes it feels like someone will never want to stop in trying to either intentionally keep me robbed to my face with their vain sadism; they have to be the one who calls the shots; they hate the ways I don't play by their rules and want to force their rules on me. They want to be a cut throat. I know you could have made a generally speaking statement, but you look like you want to go into further detail with what in the world is my problem with issues of forgiveness? I understand the world to be very narcissistic and competitive and to many, forgiveness is never a thing that is immediately in the head. People are who they are. They act the way they act. They will hit you the same way again. You did want to add that people know they should have their self respect with "you don't let them hurt you again." (People have had their worst grave issues against me in wanting me to give up on my self respect). It isn't you are against a person keeping their self respect, but you put the fault and responsibility on that person anyway. I have issues boat 15. I have issues. It is like there have been instances where people will purposely lie to me just to purposely molest me with "I was the one who let" People are out to get me boat 15. It may not always be as bad as it once was but I know I get harassed and stalked often. The sobs of my demand for better protection come and go. I would never see myself as out to intentionally hurt or compete to call a person a fool first or on purpose. (when I am being stockholmed anything goes) While some people can make me guess better, a good number are out to intentionally be that jerk and want to make me feel that they have me beat and place their dominate credit over my life. This where my conflict with forgiveness is: it doesn't change anything about the dominance a person gives their self and the way they feel they have you beat and you have to be subjected to their judgment and rules. These narcs won't understand what forgiveness is. These narcs will never feel they have done wrong. A narc might not feel provoked if you forgive them but the narc will still be the same narc who won't change the control they want to have. I just scream for a better protection and respect Boat 15. I scream for a better protection and respect. … PS If you are or eventually plan to pimp me, I seriously do not want Shawn S. I'm not crazy about the way you look like him a little and I fear you have a share with him. But "no" to Shawn.

Hey Cisco

I know I get frustrated and think it is pointless when some guys are there in the paranormal and only in my head, but I wished you would have given me another good paranormal romp last night... Did I make you mad, or just confused about the issue? It still is an issue to only be able to feel I have you one way and not another. It hurt to be lonely last night but it hurts either way. It is hard to remember everything when you are there near my slumber. I think you were at least with me the day before and was even wanting to send some comfort.... I'm sorry I didn't remember the few games that I've gone to, but do they play the "that's amore" song as your theme song every game? lol. I just smiled and got a little light heated. I'm sorry that you weren't the greatest at bat tonight. Your last hit wasn't bad. Too bad the other guy got out. It's good that "yinz" all defense was good. I felt so awful when I missed your first two battings. I was late and then I went to get a beer and I thought there would have been a long enough intermission. I felt like shit especially missing your second time at bat. I sat all the way in the front incase you didn't see me. So, "The Lion Pig." Yeah, yeah. Jon is a pig. Are you calling yourself a pig? Who were you looking at as the lion king? I saw a couple of arbited Jon's, so I would assume that you were making fun of Jon. It was thoughtful of you that you would mean to show me some kind of support in front of people. But what am I still going to do about your high and mighty that won't have any real conversation with me? You were supposed to walk across the field, climb over the fence and come sit next to me during the middle of the game. I was right in the front section for goodness sake; you weren't going to meet me half way? lol. You could at least tweet back. I can only assume you mean to dump me softly with "killing me softly with his song." Are you only here in my life to make me feel some kind of safety and ease some of my troubled mind? I'd appreciate the gent you do or would mean to be, but I can't keep getting stuck with more bollywoods who have nothing but a snooty god complex. It really upsets me. Just make me some kind of underdog to my face already. (I really wasn't expecting Sidney to go that far. He really was way too mean to make me feel like a real underdog. He was wanting to, but I just didn't walk away feeling like a complete underdog when we were done). I hate anyone who wants to keep me terrified by a constant superiority complex of a gangrape where I will always feel forced to feel threatened and lose to certain people, rules, or shariah laws. I have been stalked and harassed so many times and so many ways it is such a torment to me with the way some people think they are right to want to make me feel so threatened and live in fear. I know I have several different inferior dominant, dominant-men-want-to-be's that hover over my life at some times and want to make me feel the strongest damnation and despair ever. …… The Bollywood is still a painful unresolve for me. I don't mean to make you feel to confused too much with the way you make me feel: I just can't win and have not entirely lost. You just havn't done anything to make me mad or upset enough and I personally don't want you to. Although you are still a Bollywood, I like it when I can have someone I feel I want. Please don't make me feel like I'm hanging or make me wait too long to meet you. …. DARE throw rocks at my window. James Bond, find out where I live and throw rocks at my window. I dare you.

thoughts and wonders

Can't think of any other title.
Most thoughts are about Dancing with the stars.
Of course there is the high paranoia, but not all connections I get.
Things do seem to be coming together more, yet it isn't together completely.
I think some thoughts and feelings of mine personally are very exaggerated. I loved the dance with Lacey and Kyle. I get the hunch though that Brittany Spears may think I'm coming on to her. ~huff~ This is another example where I think people take things too far. I like and appreciate some of her songs. I think she is pretty. I feel I'm being forced to call her arrogant, but in this circumstance I am. (I need to think of a different name than using situation all of the time. lol. )
A lot of other drama feels heavy, but not. So many men have the NY Moscow look. It is unbelievable. Its kind of like a story almost unfolds where I am extremely insulted, may get nazi'd up against, yet feel it is still a multiple text towards me and other women when they want to sweep us off our feet again. I don't know who gets credit for what exactly. It looks like a very competitive body issue with most relationships.
Margaret Cho. I knew she would eventually show some gay support. I've read some of her blogs and besides for being known as a comedian, she is known as a gay activist. She received both booing and cheering. I cheered for her, but it doesn't mean I want to go gay. I think some people may have had discomfort at the fact that she was bringing her agenda to a show that was meant for dancing and not activism of any kind.

Obama was once again the most obvious. I pretty much smiled the whole time. A sincere smile. It was a fun dance. For my own safety, I will make no further comment. I have a nervous paranoia with the colors that were worn: lemon and lime. I had a friend who had two parakeets that were named lemon and lime. I forget which one died first, but when one died, the other died shortly after. I really hope it was not meant to be a sign of a future death threat.
Its not the sign that I get paranoid with being safe, it is my common sense that he is the president.
I'm his choreographer?! I laugh and baffle.
I did have to miss "The Event" though because of the show. I'll watch it another day.

I thought it seemed pretty intense.
I really did love a lot of the dancing.